yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
