You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Floor bacon is actually really good
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
