she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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