I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
