Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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