after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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