Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up