i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
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idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
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State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower