At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
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Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing