Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"