I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
