I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
