I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize