new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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