Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We have started to decorate penises.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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