actually, I'm a sock model
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
They have beer where we have blood.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
