I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
