I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
