let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
