Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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