Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
