tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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