I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
