I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
