Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Randomize
