last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
