If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
