I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm too high and old for this...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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