I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
