I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
FUCK WHALES
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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