She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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