So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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