One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
