she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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