Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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