New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize