When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
