It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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