So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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