You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
