so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize