Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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