I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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