Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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