nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't deserve a penis
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
