When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
