I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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