You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
