I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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