Your face is a jimmy john
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
