So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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