so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
