Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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