i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
