i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
