I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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