dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's always time for handjobs
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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