apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
