I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
