It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
