omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
