I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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