nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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