If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
