He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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